5 dumb things every skydiver will do at least once, in absolutely no order whatsoever.
1. Go up without gear.
It’s gonna happen at some point or another. You’ll be rushing to get on the next load and then next thing you know, no altimeter, no gloves, no helmet or goggles. At this point you have two options. You can either ride the plane back down, and pay for a plane ride, or throw your ass outta the plane. Depending on what you forgot, it may or may not be a big issue. Key thought – take the plane ride option if you forgot your rig entirely, dumbass.
2. Walk over someone’s lines while they are packing.
Apologize profusely, and bring a case of beer next week.
3. Cutaway
Another fact of skydiving life. That’s why every time you go up in the load you should practice pulling your handles. Do it however you were taught, and never forget where your handles are. Remember in an emergency, there are only two things that will save your ass – yourself, and your AAD. Make sure both are in jumping condition BEFORE you go up. Hopefully, you have nice friends and they’ll spot your malfunctioned main for you. If not, it’s time to find some new friends. PS – buy your beer.
4. Make a bad spot.
There are two simple ways to tell if this has happened, first – “If the door is closed, you’re hosed.” Ever look back and see the door of the plane shut when you know jumpers haven’t gotten out yet? Yeah, nice spot Sherlock. Wave off ASAP, and limp back at half brakes.
Ever go out on an RW jump and see that it’s 7000 feet, and everybody is gone? Oops, hope you make it back… No? Oh well, at least you’ll never forget the feeling of corn cobs smashing into your face as you’re landing in a field. Trust me – that shit hurts.
5. Try to stand up a landing that you should just slide/PLF.
You know it’s coming, maybe you’re slightly crosswind on your landing, or maybe your swoop is just a little fast. Odds are you’re wearing your brand-new white jumpsuit too. You don’t want to get it dirty, so you decide to try and run it off. Bad choice. At best you trip and fall, and ride it out on your knees. At worst, you break a few bones. Either way – your new jumpsuit has grass stains, and you still look dumb. Save the trouble. “If you’re not going to stand it up, don’t try to stand it up.” is a quote from an instructor that comes to mind.
This is just a small list to get everyone started, what do you guys think? Any other dumb things that all skydivers will end up doing at least once?